I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
