I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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