i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
