If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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