My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
