Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
