Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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