Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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