we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
