I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
