THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
