would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
