He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
