the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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