Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
