Please, let me fuck your mom
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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