I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
