Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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