I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
