What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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