I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
