He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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