She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
