cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
