bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
