God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You took a bar mat shot.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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