TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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