whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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