So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
