she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is it fun? or sober?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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