Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
