Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
