My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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