Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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