bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drunk is not a location!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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