I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize