I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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