the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
