New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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