I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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