ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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