I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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