My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
