If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
