K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
