do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
