He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
birth control should be required to get into college
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
