So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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