gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
