I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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