I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
