So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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