haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
