Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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