I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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