I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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