so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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