my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
