we have pet lesbian snakes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
