So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
