the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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