Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you had me at cake vodka
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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