Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
