people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
