I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
