Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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