sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize